This is a very sensitive topic, but this is a real addiction and a real threat for our children. Teaching children about pornography is a very hard thing to do, but if done correctly, it can help them stay away from this temptation. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and so religion comes in to play here when teaching my children. But there are great non- religious ideas in this article that will really help you when trying to figure out how to talk to your children about the dangers of pornography. Especially the books I suggest below. Be sure to get those books. They will help you a lot.
First of all, you need to understand that when I taught my son about sex, I told him that it is a natural, beautiful thing. That it is NOT BAD. That feelings he will develop are normal and natural. It is a great gift given to us by a loving Heavenly Father as a means to create our own family after we are Married. I taught him that it is the best gift of all that he could ever give to the one he will marry. It should be saved for marriage to show that he respected his wife before he even knew her.
When I was teaching my son about sex, I included a little segment about pornography. I talked to him about our bodies. How we are sons and daughters of Heavenly Father and we are asked to treat our bodies like Temples. We talked about why men and women are attracted to each other. Then I told him that Satan will try as hard as he can to use this attraction to pull him closer to him. To pull him away from the spirit, his parents, his teachers and his leaders. He will try as hard as he can to make him feel alone.
*Clarification because of a comment I got (warning, more religion here): I always teach my children that God loves them no matter what. Jesus knows exactly how they feel whenever they have sinned, or have been hurt in any way because he suffered the Atonement for us. He has felt all of our feelings of guilt and pain. We can ALWAYS turn to him for comfort and support. In our religion we are taught that God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost are 3 distinct and separate individuals. The Holy Ghost can not dwell in unclean environments so we need to sure that our actions always welcome him to stay with us. This doesn’t not mean that God has left us. It just means that the Holy Ghost can not be there to warn us and that we need to do everything we can to keep the Holy Ghost with us.
Then I explained to him what pornography was. I taught him what it can look like and how it could make him feel. Scared, confused, excited, nervous. I taught him that this feeling is addictive. It releases endorphins into our blood stream and makes us crave that feeling over and over again.
This is why pornography is addictive, its a natural “drug” that floods our body. Don’t believe me? Read this article: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3050060/
I told him that we need to make sure that our actions and the things we are doing will invite the spirit to stay with us. If we do things that are offensive to the spirit, it will have to leave us, leaving us vulnerable to the enticings of Satan.
Satan loves to make women seem like objects. He wants us to look at them like they are there to please us. When thoughts like this enter our heads, we are degrading women and inviting bad thoughts into our heads. I taught him to have empathy for those that are involved in pornography.
The participants, the film makers the photographers… what if they could see the real value of the human body. What if they knew what we knew… that our bodies are a gift from God and should be treated as Temples? What if that is someones mom, sister, aunt? What a horrible life to live. They were tempted by the money that this type of work provides. They are greedy.
Each child is unique, each child will need a different kind of discussion. What I said to my son might not be what you want to say to your child. So I have compiled a list of some great resources you will want to read. If you are preparing to talk to your child about this delicate topic, I think the best thing you can do is pray about it.
Ask to be guided to the articles that will help you the most. Ask to know what to say when the time comes. I promise that what comes out of your mouth will be what your child needs to hear.
Here are some great resources I have found that have helped me talk to my children about these topics:
- Teaching about procreation and chastity
- Teaching children about sexuality and pornography prevention
- A forum about this topic
- How do I teach my children about the dangers of pornography?
- Talking to your children about pornography
These books I found from Amazon are amazing Especially the Good Pictures, Bad Pictures one. It teaches kids how to train their brains to understand that what they are looking at is not right.
Now on to internet safety. Download this cute poster reminding your kids about how to stay safe on the internet. Print it and post it on the side of the monitor as to be seen often.
Here are a few resources that might help you with internet safety:
- FBI Kids Safety has articles and games for the kids to play!
- K9 Web protection blocks questionable sites and it’s FREE!
- Open DNS- Parental Control: Parents can control web access across every device!!
Be sure to check out how to set parental controls on
Now remember, that even with all the internet and device safety set up, our children will find a way to get where they want to go. At a friends house, a library, a different device you didn’t know about…everything connects to the internet now days! SO if you don’t talk to your kids, you will NOT protect them. They need to hear it from YOU.
I’d love to hear your ideas! Leave them in the comment section below!
This is an interview with Ted Bundy. The serial killer that was executed for murdering several women and girls. See what he has to say about pornography. If it seems right to you, you could share this with an older child.
**Let me be clear… I am not saying that you will become a serial killer if you look at porn. I just think there are oblivious people out there that don’t think it’s addictive. I can’t even count how many people I know who’s marriage and lives have been ruined because of it. I just think this interview is interesting how he explains the addiction. You can see that obviously he viewed women as objects.**
I don't know that I would have thought to include the topic of pornography with the sex talk, but I'll have to remember that for when my kids are a bit older. Thanks for the tip. <br />Also, I found it a bit ironic that while viewing this post, there is a picture of a woman with WAY too much cleavage showing on the right hand side of your blog under "you might also like" and
Ashley thanks for bringing the ad to my attention. I have set guidelines on my ad content and sometimes some slip through. I'll look into it! Those ads change regularly. Thanks so much for your comment.
If you are going to tell your children about the dangers of pornography, it might also be a good idea to mention the link between pornography and human trafficking. Not all participants in pornography are "greedy" or were "tempted" – in many instances they may be victims of trafficking, coercion or force.<br /><br />Teaching about the spiritual / moral danger of watching
Thank you Elisha! Great points!
I appreciated the Ted Bundy video clip at the end of your post…very eye opening. An extreme example of what can happen to a person addicted and out of control. As parents there is only so much we can do to teach our kids to make good choices and to keep away from the dangers and traps that exist in the world. Educating them with age appropriate information is the way to go. Thank you for
p.s. the following link is a free download for the ebook Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction. As an LDS mom this has been a helpful resource for me.<br /><br />Check it out if you don't know about it already.<br /><br />http://salifeline.org/understand-pornography-and-sexual-addiction/
Thanks so much! I'll check it out!
My Ex is the type of father who just say no and that is all there is to it. I don't know about the rest of you but even when I was growing up just saying no wasn't enough cause I wanted to know why it was and also I didn't like being told no. When this became an issue when my son was 13 I told him that though the curiosity is normal for boys that the porn avenue isn't really the
Great comment Autumn. Thank you for sharing!
Great post. I really like the ideas and way you said it. I also made my boys watch the Ted Bundy video. It shook me to the core. Thanks! BTW- you really should take the picture of the women with huge breasts down off your blog- not sure if you know that is there or not.
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Thank you so much for dealing with this topic and outlining how seriously addictive it is! <br /><br />I talked with my son (8) about how every part of our bodies has "right use" (basis of the word righteous) and "wrong use." We talked about right and wrong uses for many different body parts (hands: hugging, rubbing Dad's feet, tickling = right use while hitting,
Both parents should have the freedom to speak to their children about such subjects, but there is no substitute for a father. It is really the father's place to talk to his son's about this topic. Because of the nature of men and the way God made them, we women will never understand fully the pull this topic has on men. More and more girls are looking at pornography and that would be the
Wonderful post, thank you! My kids are young still but k<br />I know in this generation this talk will have to come sooner than it used to, so thanks for helping prepare us better! I appreciate that 🙂 agree with comments above about that ad though… Kind of goes right with this topic! Thanks again for writing this!
Thanks for the warnings about the ads on my blog everyone! I am working with the adverting company to remove them. If you see one, can you please email me the address and I'll put it on the block list. I thought I got them all, but as you know, sex sells, and even if their post doesn't have anything to do with the picture, they will use it to draw attention. ANOTHER thing to teach our
It makes me a little concerned to see people commenting that their kids are still too young to hear about it. Boys are often exposed (and begin the path of pornography addiction) at very young ages. Many porn addicts admit their first exposure was at age 5. That's right, you need to talk to your kindergartner about pornography because while you may not think he is ready for the talk, Satan
"I told him that we need to make sure that our actions and the things we are doing will invite the spirit to stay with us. If we do things that are offensive to the spirit, it will have to leave us, leaving us vulnerable to the enticings of Satan."<br /><br />I grew up in a home where Christianity was often presented in this fear-based way. Often, I was so anxious about messing up
Liz M. Thank you for bringing this up. I always teach my children that God loves them no matter what. Jesus knows exactly how they feel whenever they have sinned, or have been hurt in any way because he suffered the Atonement for us. He has felt all of our feelings of guilt and pain. We can ALWAYS turn to him for comfort and support. In our religion we are taught that God, Jesus and the Holy
Let me clarify that that last sentence when I said "it just means that he can not be there to warn us" I am talking about the Holy Ghost. 🙂
Thank you so much for this! I'm expecting a baby boy this November and have often felt extremely overwhelmed about raising a child in the world today. This brings me comfort! 🙂
When I was younger, I hated myself because I couldn't stop looking at "porn" — PG-rated pictures of girls and guys in cute outfits that made me feel good to look at them.<br /><br />I thought the feelings I had when I saw them would make me into a serial killer and rapist. I was afraid of myself, I hated my body, and it was so hard to stop using it this way that I knew I could
This post is excellent and very much needed. Pornography is destroying families. Minimizing this problem will be devastating. Thank you for bringing this important issue to the forefront.<br /><br />However, it is ironic that while I was reading this blog about pornography, I noticed an advertisement for Tynon displaying a picture that could only be categorized as soft porn! <br /><br />I think
Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I have been working with the advertisers on removing anything suggestive. I'll work on that specific thing. I think they are using keywords to decide what to advertise. And using the word pornography in the title of this post might be attracting them. Ugh!
Thanks for bringing the subject to the table. As someone has already mentioned, pornography (and prostitution) are attached to a much bigger problem: human trafficking. PERHAPS by teaching our children about the value of people and the dangers lying behind pornography, we could (some day…) eradicate this terrible inhumanity and help save millions of people around the world from all that
Great article. I can't help but notice that there are a LOT of people complaining about inappropriate advertisements on their screen. Most of that is not the blogger's fault, it is the reader's ad settings in their browser. You can download a program called Ad Block Plus that will block these ads. Your hard drive and internet settings memorize the pages you go to on the internet,
Thank you, it is something I have periodically been talking to my son about….and it's always good to get new tips. AND thank you for the Ted Bundy video…I have actually heard for yrs he said that about pornography before his execution but never seen the interview.
"without exception" – wow that is chilling from the video. <br /><br />
GREAT article! Kudos to you – many people don’t even talk to their kids about it.
Thank you for writing about this very important topic! The more parents talk about it, the more courage we’ll all have to warn our children in meaningful ways. Pornography addiction is a huge problem and affects more people than most of us realize. Young children are getting exposed to explicit, hard core images via mobile devices (often at school or on the bus home!).
You may want to know about a new read-aloud book that I recently published entitled GOOD PICTURES BAD PICTURES: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids. Thousands of parents and grandparents are using it to explain to their kids ages 6 to 11 what pornography is, why it’s dangerous and how kids can use both their brains to stay free from its powerful pull. The book also includes a 5-point CAN DO Plan which teaches kids exactly how to respond to an accidental exposure. Again, thanks for the post! http://www.goodpicturesbadpictures.com
Thank you for sharing that Kristen! I’ll check it out~!