10 Tips on How To Talk to a “Know-It-All” Teen

None of you have any idea what I’m talking about, right? None of you have a teenager that “Knows-It-All” do you? It’s just me I’m sure. But just in case I’m not the only one with a Teenager that has to have the last word, or knows everything a million times better than you, I have a few tips. This is ‘How to Have a Conversation with a Know it All Teen 101’.

I have this amazing, beautiful, talented, smart teenage daughter. I’m serious. I love her to death. She can be anything she wants to be in this world. She has her head on straight and she is going places people. But. And there is a but. Sometimes she is hard to communicate with.

She would KILL me if she knew I was writing this, so don’t tell her, OK?

I’m not saying that I’m perfect. Far from it. I am stubborn too. But as a parent I have a right to be stubborn when it comes to teaching my kids good social skills, don’t I? I mean, how else is she gonna learn that in life she is going to meet others who are just like her. They know it all and they have to have the last word. What is she going to do then? How is she going to react? This is where teaching comes in. And these are the few tips I have for you on dealing with one of these amazing kids in your life.

Now, before I give you ideas for dealing with these teens, I want you to understand that as kids grow, they need to be able to develop their interests and ideas. They are learning how to be an adult. They are learning emotional boundaries. So you need to understand that this process of learning how to separate and individualize themselves from their parents. As your child grows older, they are learning how to form their own opinions. So most of this behavior is normal for this stage in life. Normal and annoying sometimes.

Another very important thing to remember is that it’s very important to listen to your teenager. I know they can be very intense, but listening to them is the only way to understand where they are coming from. Maybe they are having a hard time at school. Maybe one of their friends is displaying scary behavior. Maybe an adult is making them feel uncomfortable at school. Who knows? And if you don’t listen to them and brush off everything they say, they WILL STOP TRYING. They will not see you as a source of help. They will turn to others. So LISTEN.

First, let’s talk about the bonuses of having an intense teenager. 

1. They know what they want in life.
2. They are natural born leaders and trendsetters.
3. They will not give into peer pressure, because they know what is right (they are smarter than everyone else anyway, right?).
4. They have their own life (and everyone’s around them) planned out strategically.
5. They will make the BEST salespeople on earth. They could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a lady in white gloves.

These kids will turn out amazingly. But as their parent, these arguments and conversations make you want to pull out all your hair! I dread it when I know I have to talk to her about a punishment that needs to be given for something she has done wrong. I know that it will turn into an argument about why she had to do the wrong thing, and she will try to rationalize herself out of the punishment. This is when listening and staying quiet come into play.

But what happens when your child’s behavior crosses the line between normal and obnoxious? That’s what I will address with you.

1. Again. Listen to what they have to say. Wait until they are done talking (completely) then ask them if they are done.
2. Tell them that you are going to talk now, and they need to listen without interrupting. Remind them that you have done the same thing for them, now they need to reciprocate.
3. Respond to your child’s concerns. Say what you want to say in a calm manner. Do not lose your cool. Do not use harsh words. Act like the adult that you are.
4. Use stories that support the reason for the punishment. For example: If your teen is receiving punishment for a bad grade in an important class, tell them about what happened to you because of a bad grade. Did it make it harder to get into the college you wanted?
5. Make your conversation to the point. You don’t want to give them too much conversational fuel. Bringing up past punishments may trigger a whole new rationalizations that they will want to bring up.
6. Give them one more chance to talk. Then when they are done, remind them that they are still punished and walk away. Just WALK AWAY. Continuing a conversation that is out of control just feeds their emotions and makes them feel like they are in control. Teens only have as much control as you give them. So just “LET IT GO, LET IT GO!” (Now you have the song stuck in your head don’t you)
7. Of course they won’t be done. This is when you say “I’ve listened to what you have to say, and now we are done. There is nothing else to talk about.” Go in your room and shut your door.
8. Have a visual cue for when your child is taking it too far and they need to stop. This is especially helpful when you are out in public. I have a certain look I give my kids when they are misbehaving in public. Each one of them recognizes it. I purse my lips together and my eyebrows go down. When one of them sees this, they make sure they let the other kids know that they all need to stop. It works like a charm.
9. Parents don’t have to take part in every argument. Sometimes it’s OK to just say “I’m not doing this right now. You need to walk away or there will be consequences.” We add jobs every time the child tries to start an argument. The longer they talk I put up one finger . . . then two fingers . . . then three fingers . . . then the child knows that they better stop or they will be doing 4 jobs really soon. Then be sure to carry out their punishments, otherwise they will not learn their lesson.
10. Make sure to end every argument with “I Love You!” Because we all know no matter how annoying our kids are, we love them unconditionally. More importantly, your child needs to hear it.

I hope some of these tips help you in raising your stubborn teens. There will be meltdowns, there will be tears, there will be yelling, there will be stomping and there will be door slamming. But always remember that you are raising adults. You are giving your children good coping skills. The fact that you are reading this article tells me that you are an amazing parent because you care about your children and want whats best for them. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

Try out these tips and if they work for you let me know. Use the hashtag #tipsfromamom when mentioning this article and be sure to share it so all your friends who are parents of teenagers can read it too.

What are some other problems you are having with your teen that I might be able to help you with. Leave me a comment and I’ll respond. Thanks everyone!